The CRPS Chronicles

Well, as most people know, I've had Complex Regional Pain Syndrome since I had a knee surgery when I was 16. I'm 23. Just a handful of weeks after having Eli, I witnessed miracle after miracle that finally led to me getting a Spinal Cord Stimulator that has literally changed my life.

Feel free to ask me if you have anymore questions about that, but that's not the point of this post.

I was given just one rule that made me sad upon getting the SCS, I had to turn it off before my next pregnancy. As most people also know (I'm not very secretive about it), that time is coming up.

NO I AM NOT PREGNANT.

Just to clarify.

Anyway, I was holding out some hope that maybe they would make an exception for me and I would get to keep my stimulator on. Well, they didn't. I went to my pain care specialist today, and though he assured me it was still my decision, I did not get the super enthusiastic green light I was hoping for. This means I'll be turning off my stimulator as soon as we decide to start trying (which I will be a little more quiet about, but I can't really hide a limp :P).

I really try to follow the commandment "Fear Not." I'm not going to say this has become a strength, but it at least has become something I'm thinking about. When it comes to making the decision to put myself back in pain — and possibly aid the CRPS in spreading — I'm not just scared, I'm terrified. I've spent many the night panicking to Garrett about all the things that could go wrong, everything that could be negative. I spend very little time having faith.

But Garrett is perfect, so he's always able to be the voice of reason. He told me that if he only looked at all the things that could go wrong he would never be in medical school. He wouldn't be pursuing dermatology. We probably wouldn't have had Eli. We probably wouldn't have gotten married. Things can always go wrong. That's life. It's the risk we took coming here. But we've received the commandment to "Fear not" because it will all work out. I'm not saying the next year of my life is going to be the best, but I know it's the right decision. We've prayed, fasted and now it's time for us to trust.

How else do we grow?

Well, I'll keep everyone updated in my own slow little way. Probably not as updated as my family would like, but they now know more than they knew with Eli :P